NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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