I wish my penis had an off switch
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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