it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
