Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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