Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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