Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
