I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
