I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
