highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
