Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
