I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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