It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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