My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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