no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
