yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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