We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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