I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize