This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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