Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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