Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
