Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
