do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
