If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
