are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
