we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
