I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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