he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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