Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
