she was so not down for the gang bang
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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