What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
