Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize