i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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