Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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