Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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