i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
