it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
