I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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