New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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