I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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