im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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