My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
