Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
