TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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