There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I smell stomach acid.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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