Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
