ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
