he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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