Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
