I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
