wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize