This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
