Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
