So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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