They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
