Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
