i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this just has baby written all over it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
