remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
