fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
