I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize