It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
