I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
