I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
