At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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