hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
