At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
