i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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