shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
