my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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