We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
