I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
