Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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