I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We got so high we made milksteak
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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