I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
