Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
