Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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