After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
