just tell him i said nine months
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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