i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
