i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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