Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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