Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
