The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
