Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
