just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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