goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize