I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
