Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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