Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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