After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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