next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
