did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
