I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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