Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can you bring me the toilet please
me + whiskey = a bad person
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
