I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
