why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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