you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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