I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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