I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
