thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
