Sry I called you an 8
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
