Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize