im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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